Inspired by the popular and ongoing argument over whether Love is enough or just bullshit, I thought it apt to say a few things in defense of Love.
And for the sake of understanding, it is important to note my assertions are based on the meaning of Love having more to do with intentionality, choice, and maturity than it has to do with our feelings and whatever we may want when we say “I love you”.
So, to the Crux of the matter…
Granted, loving as we should (sacrificially and purposefully) does not necessarily guarantee a successful blissful romantic relationship all by itself.
Regardless of how lofty the intentions to make the other person happy, it must often require the agreement of both parties to make it work. A matter of choice, so to speak, either to accept or spurn the Love shared.
My Niece and I…searching?
A very wise woman once expressed a universal truth in the most simple use of words: “We don’t see things as they are, we see them as we are.”
Quite eloquent, yes, but that’s something deeply profound to say about our preconceptions. In fact, I think it is so deep in meaning and implications that I find it scary and deserving of our full attention.
I bet it was a critical observation of life that led Anaïs Nin to such a conclusive truth. And if we were to follow suit, am sure we will see the link between our constant transformation and how we see the world around us.
As an example, I once found being gay irritating and a design from the pit of hell. Now my views are hugely reversed. I am now accepting and respectful of my fellow human beings who are gay, even though I still grapple with matters of same-sex copulation.
“This is what is hardest: to close the open hand because one loves.”
– Friedrich Nietzsche
I have a rather extreme suggestion to make on how to respond to a cheating partner who seeks forgiveness. I believe my proposal ideal for romantic commitments in which exclusivity is understood and agreed upon. But since our relationships are different from one another just as we are different, applicability may differ.
But before I state my seemingly outrageous recommendation, I would like you to know upfront that my source of inspiration is actually Love, not a sense of retribution, although the love I speak of here is of a less favored aspect and hue.
So, let’s begin.
Contrary to the assumed belief that love is particularly emotional and mushy and can be nothing else, there is a side of love that is resolute and principled. It is, I believe, what some folks mean when they use the term “tough love”.
Though largely used in the context of parenting, I believe this facet of love should be well extended to relationships between grown-ups devoted to building a meaningful connection. This is important because we often let our feelings run wild, in a way that we spoil one another and make allowances that potentially harm rather than make stronger our relationships.
Life could be blatantly horrible.
Most times, there is no way of understanding why bad things happen, and that hurts.
I get it if a driver were to lose control due to excess alcohol levels. Or if a group of armed robbers got themselves killed in a shootout with the police. But for a good-natured young lady to intentionally kill her self by drinking a bottle of SNIPER DDVP insecticide is incomprehensible.
Though I didn’t know her very well, I always noticed Haleema* whenever I visited the market for my cake supplies. The stall in which she sold plastic items for parties and home-use was just next to the cake shop. However, even if her spot had been far down the line, her beauty and warmth would have still been conspicuous.
Just the other day, my dear friend Iris, opened up to me about why she couldn’t bear watching certain TV shows for their flagrant display of adultery.
Regardless of how popular they’d become, Scandal and Power seemed topmost on her list considering how many times she picked on those two.
She was resolutely unyielding in accepting the idea that it is now “modern” to break your marriage vows, especially when it makes you happier – giving you a chance at a truer and more exhilarating relationship with somebody else, who’s supposedly better and more compatible than your once precious and unequaled significant other.